“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” Buddha

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what author Ruth Haley Barton calls “sacred rhythms”. My life in general has been very reactionary, swinging from one wind gust to the next without really paying attention to where I was going. I think I thought I was always supposed to be waiting for God's will.  I was taught in church that you can't let your plans get in the way of God's voice. I was also taught that if I liked my own plans too much that something bad might happen to me or someone I loved so that God could get my attention. 

One time in college a girl very directly and accusingly asked me when I was ever going to stick to something and see it though. This comment has haunted me over the years. In essence, she was calling me unreliable and irresponsible. Maybe I was. Then again, maybe I was figuring out my own sense of rhythm. Life is full of stops and starts and do-overs. This has to be OK to some extent because it is unavoidable. Perfect constancy belongs only to God.

So maybe I was in the process of learning what was an appropriate beginning or ending. Perhaps I was trying to do things I was didn’t actually enjoy doing, or have the skill set for.  It is difficult to differentiate between quitting and sensing it is time to move on. Knowing when to come and when to leave might be the beginning of wisdom.

I think there is lot of comfort in these sacred rhythms: The four seasons.  Life and death. Even youth, middle age, and great age each have their unique gifts. Our modern culture (of which I am a fan in many respects) fights these rhythms with electricity, needles, face creams and health food fads. I am not really against any of these things. But I am learning that there needs to be some measure of acceptance to sacred rhythms in order to have peace. To surrender to what we cannot control and to change. If we pay attention we might even enjoy what comes with each turn and twist God or life or the universe offers us.When nursing a babe for two years does its damage and crow’s feet appear, when I quit a job to start a new one, begin a creative venture or end it-maybe there is a purpose. To sleep then wake, to live then die, to be cold then hot, anxious then at peace- I think it may all have meaning and there is nothing wrong with living in the moment and not seeking to change what “is”. If we can see the big picture, it may be that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

As a mom I am always looking ahead. I also am a little manic about creating constancy in my children’s lives. I want them to be responsible and reliable. It is good to be resourceful and  raise well adjusted kids. But maybe there is a point where planning is just anxiety and training to my children to be pleasing to society is a projection of my own insecurity. How lucky are people who know exactly who they are and what they are supposed to be doing. Is there anyone out there who does? Other than Oprah, I mean. My kids will have their paths as I have mine. 

I have been reading Buddhist authors and poets lately. I am a Christian but cannot help being deeply moved by Buddhists’ connection to nature and their own sense of personal rhythm. I find a sense of this also in the church calendar. I don’t live in a place where ending something is respected but Jesus knew when to preach and when to rest. When to heal or when sickness was part of a person’s path. He knew the scope of humanity’s suffering but could still sleep. I don’t think His peace came from disconnection or apathy. Any man who can get so pissed off at merchants in the temple or sweat blood when stressed is probably pretty engaged. I think his lack of anxiety came from his deep connection to God and knowing His place in the grand scheme of things. It’s kind of a paradox, but I am starting to believe that when you know yourself and your purpose it is a lot easier to role with life and mark time by its milestones. Change isn’t so scary so it is easier to be at peace.
    

As a mom who loves her family and tries to serve Jesus by changing diapers, sleep deprivation and not being a bitch to my husband when he doesn’t pick up his towels in the bathroom, it might behoove me to think beyond weaning and potty training. Those things are really important and part of my sacred rhythms. But they are temporary. This life's rhythms are melodies that need some percussion.  I would like my base line to be God. At the moment, they are more likely the fall’s new TV schedule, but I am working on it.